lonely and desperate

Lots of marriages and relationships these days sadly don’t work out and some of those situations involve children. This is why we are seeing more and more step families. People feel they are more able to admit a relationship has failed rather than the old excuse of staying together for the sake of the children, which inevitably makes things worse and unfair on the little ones.

But when you’re on the outside looking in, it can be very hard. I am talking from the point of view of the non parent. In other words, the person with whom the parent makes a new relationship with. It can be very hard for them to bond and become part of this suddenly created family situation.

Look at what you have in common with the child or children, they might like to bake so why not show them your cake decorating books? You may find that the first few times you try and get close that they push you away, some may even see you as a threat but this is totally normal, just let them do things at their own pace.

This doesn’t mean however that the child should be left to walk all over the family and start to rule the roost as it were. They still need rules and regulations and know that the step parent is there to enforce the rules as well. If this isn’t done then you could end up with a tear away on your hands.

Try and set aside 1 day a week or fortnight to try and get closer, share cake decorating tips and bake something or go to the local park and show that you’re no ogre. Also make sure that any affection shown between you and the parent is kept for private, it may make the kids feel uncomfortable.

The main thing to remember here is that time will be the biggest factor in situations like these, the longer you stay around and make sure that you take part in any activities the more relaxed the kid will feel. Share wisdom from how to decorate cake to the latest cheat on their video game!

And for the parent, always make sure to let the child or children know that you are there for any questions you have. No matter how young they are they will want to ask you things, be as open and honest as possible and let them know as much as you feel they need to at the time.

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