lonely and desperate

Case:

George works long hours and Mary doesn’t feel he is there for her.  Mary spends all of her time meeting the children’s needs and Jim feels that she doesn’t have time for his needs?Can your relationship be saved?  Should this relationship be saved?Here’s how to make your relationship healthy again.

First, you must decide whether the relationship is worth saving.Almost every relationship can be saved with hard work, but both parties must decide that they want to make it work.  Because if a partner has opted out and doesn’t want to opt back in, there is little that can be done.

Many people stay in a relationship because it is convenient.  But that is not enough.Saving a relationship starts with a commitment by both of you that it is indeed worth saving.

Next, you must identify the issue or problems in your relationship.The biggest difficulty in saving a relationship is that most people believe the symptom of a problem are the problem itself. 

For instance, many people think an affair is a problem that causes break ups.In truth, the affair is a much more a symptom of a bigger problem.  For instance, a lack of true intimacy can lead to a straying spouse.  While most people look at the affair as the problem, the underlying cause of the affair was the lack of intimacy in the primary relationship.  If you do not deal with the lack of intimacy, you might be able to keep another affair from starting through the use of guilt, but another problem (for instance pornography) could pop up because you haven’t dealt with the core issue.

Remember, when you start to deal with problems rather than symptoms, you can have a healthy relationship. 

Once you have identified the core problems, you can begin to share your thoughts.  This means both verbalizing your own feelings and listening to your partner’s concerns.  Hold your partner’s had when you are talking about your problems as a signal that you want to reconnect even when your emotions are swirling.When your partner talks about things that might hurt you remember that they are not intended to hurt you.Rather it is because they want to make your relationship stronger.

Once you have detailed the problems in your relationship, create an action plan to solve them.Then, execute your plan step by step.  If you don’t spend time together like you used to, plan a date night every week.Take turns coming up with creative ways to spend the day together each Sunday.  If not communicating is the problem, commit to spending 15 minutes before going to bed just talking to one another.  And, then do it.

Finally, you should realize that saving a relationship is an ongoing process.You are invariably going to make some progress and sometimes not.  There is going to be both laughter and tears {going forward|as you progress}.  Be quick to apologize and slow to fault. 

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