lonely and desperate

It’s no secret that one of the biggest challenges a parent faces after divorce is staying in good communication with your children. Obviously all parents struggle with communication issues as their children grow, but children who have had their lives dramatically altered by separation or divorce need even more attention - and diligent observation by their parents.

Children tend not to tell you when they are angry, resentful, confused, hurt or depressed. Instead they reflect their problems through their behavior - acting out or perhaps turning inward in ways that you have not experienced prior to the divorce.

I have listed some quotes below on “expectations.” Read through them and see if any of them resonate with you. Do you agree or disagree with the statements?

“Whatever we expect with confidence becomes our own self-fulfilling prophecy.” By BrianTracy

“Your attitude is an expression of your values, beliefs and expectations.” By Brian Tracy

“We will always tend to fulfill our own expectation of ourselves.” By Brian Tracy

“We tend to live up to our expectations.”  By Earl Nightingale

“Our limitations and success will be based, most often, on our own expectations for ourselves. What the mind dwells upon, the body acts upon.” ByDennis Waitley

“The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.”  By Michelangelo

“The quality of expectations determine the quality of our action” By A. Godin

Since that day, my ex-husband continues to make belittling, critical comments to me in emails and/or in person. Although we have a fairly amicable relationship, the negative comments are still made. I am happy to say that after years of being treated this way, I have learned to brush it off more quickly.
 
If you experienced damaging, hurtful comments in your marriage, during your divorce or in your present relationship with your former spouse, are you aware of the false accusations? You may be so use to hearing them that you accept them as truth. Recognizing the lies and determining the truth may require help. You may want to speak with a good counselor, therapist, coach or trusted friend to help you sort through the comments made by your former spouse.
 
Here are a few suggestions for combating false accusations:
 
Recognize the untrue messages as false accusations.
 
Don’t believe them. Don’t allow your former spouse to push your buttons. When the words no longer elicit a response from you, they lose their power.
 
Replace the lie with a statement of truth. For example let’s take my friend’s situation. The next time her soon to be ex husband tells her she is a worthless human being, she can stop and say to herself; I am a worthwhile and valuable person. My friends and family love me and care about me.
 
Be patient with yourself. Realize it can take time to reprogram your response.
 
Don’t take it personally. Understand if your former spouse feels guilty, jealous, angry or insecure about themselves they may speak critically of you to make themselves feel better.
 
Don’t retaliate with the same behavior. Do not repay evil for evil.
 
If you need to vent, talk to a trusted friend. It is nice to have an understanding friend(s) that will listen to you and let you vent or talk through a situation when needed.
 
This will involve becoming aware of your thoughts and expectations. It can take some time. When you find yourself having limited beliefs, thoughts, expectations, you will need to make a conscious effort to replace those thoughts with greater, more powerful positive beliefs, thoughts and expectations. Posting the statements that you re-write for yourself can be powerful and serve as a great reminder.

Do you know that God wants you to have an abundant life? He wants good things for you. He is able to do above and beyond what we could ever imagine. Do you realize what you may miss out on in your life, if you limit God, by limiting your beliefs and expectations? Try getting up each day expecting God to bless you, for His favor to be upon you and your children, expecting to have a good day despite your circumstances

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