lonely and desperate

I marvel at the might of a baby to make a full grown man weak at the knees. What on earth rivals the ability of a new pink baby to cause a father or grandfather’s heart to stumble. It is a certainty that unconditional love is best focused through the lenses of a new addition to the family.

Reality started to set in for me when I wandered through the baby shower. I was like a boy at Christmas who gets socks and underwear for a gift. Where the heck are the cars, action figures, and stuff that needs batteries. Trust me, girls baby bedding does not need batteries. Man, babies are really boring and baby shower gifts seem to be more functional than fun.

I was in a room littered with everything from clothes to a britax car seat. None of which come with remote control. There was a lot of pink in that room and the center of attention was rubbing her tummy. There was that smile. That glow that people are always talking about but I never quite understood. Until that very moment.

I went into the next room and wrote about it in my journal. The journal that I began the very night I found out I was to be a father. I scribbled about my feelings. I wrote about my hopes and fears of fatherhood. I did it for my wife and planned to present it to her when our daughter turned one. I dozed off dreaming about bottles and bedding collections.

I realized that it would someday belong to my daughter. I believe I tried to put some personal philosophy into my words at that point. I am not too profound so I my advice was pretty much centered around the golden rule. I wrote about little things like making sure the doors are locked at night, the burners are off on the stove, and don’t leave water running.

I talked about coming to terms with your life partner on all major issues prior to selecting a spouse. This included whether hitting the hamper is kind of important or is it critical to a happy marriage. I also covered how to hang the toilet paper, squeezing toothpaste from the bottom of the tube, and drinking milk straight from the carton.

You will not find my commemorated thoughts on the bestseller list. My journal is only revered by family. I presented this online diary to my wife after the baby was born. She read out loud the portions that she found most appealing. She said one of my best lines was not in the journal. She said it was in the inscription that thanked her for bringing ‘Harmony’ into our lives. In every possible way.

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