lonely and desperate

Infidelity is the cause of many relationship break ups.  The reason is obvious.  When one partner cheats, the other will usually feel like “I can’t trust you ever again.”

This is a normal feeling after cheating occurs.  That’s because trust is such an essential part of a close, true love.  When it gets broken, we usually feel very strongly that there is no way to get it back.  Even if there are a lot of things we do/did like about our mate, after cheating occurs we don’t feel how we could ever be happy with them after a betrayal like that.  You can learn more about love relationship advice after infidelity here.

TRUST, then, is a huge issue in break ups.  Before your partner can even consider taking you back, they have to feel they can somehow trust you not to cheat on them again.  Obviously, why take you back if it’s just likely to be more of the same?  When there has been infidelity, one of the big things on your ex’s mind is

I can’t ever trust you again.

I mean, if they rejected you because of some problem behavior, like cheating, or fighting, or not communicating with them, then they need to know BEFORE they let you come back that you wont keep doing the thing they left you about.

But the feeling of broken trust is one of the hardest things for an ex to get over.  After all, we usually feel like trust gets built over a long time.  Emotionally, we believe when trust is broken that our relationship can’t be fixed, right?

It is crucial for you to understand the trust issue if you want to get back with your ex.  You must deal with their feelings of distance and betrayal and lack of trust or you can’t expect to get back with your ex.  Even if you get “lucky” and they give you a second chance, without trust it probably won’t last.  That’s because the love and intimacy we all want to feel can’t be felt when there is no trust.

How might you deal with your ex’s lack of trust?  It’s a complex answer, but one thing that often happens after cheating is we try to avoid the blame.  We try to say it wasn’t our fault.  We say “I drank too much,” or “You were mean to me!”  When a relationship buster like infidelity has happened, we will almost naturally try to avoid taking the blame. 

Give those excuses to your ex and shell think you’re a weak idiot.  She may take you back, but it wont last, there will be real distance, because those excuses don’t allow her to trust you.  What if you get drunk again?  What if she is cold to you a month from now?  What if a pretty skirt tempts you tomorrow when you’re walking down the street? So one of the first powerful things you can do is accept blame.  Take full responsibility.  Don’t offer weak or lame excuses.  You can learn a full system for how to get your ex back here.

You can own up to it by saying something along the lines of “I cheated on you and betrayed you.  I apologize and I I’m sure I caused you to feel like you can’t ever trust me again…”

That is a powerful start to repairing the trust.  If you got cheated on hearing that can help you to begin to deal with the infidelity.  Its like when you have kids and they screw up and you catch them and they try to lie or blame someone else it makes you much angrier.  But if they own up to it you can forgive them much more easily.

There is a lot more to the art of getting your ex back after infidelity, but this is a good start!  Go here for a free course on Get Relationship Advice.

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