There are many reasons to date. You can date for fun, for entertainment, for companionship, for sex, or like a large majority of the people out there, to find a meaningful and fulfilling relationship. This time honored and frustrating endeavor is what we have chosen to call relationship dating.
Although we separated dating into various categories based on our motivations, don’t be fooled, they can all really be traced back to finding fulfillment and meaning in our interactions with another human being. Below I will give you some examples of what I mean:
So let’s date for fun!?
Dating for fun…or sex…is a quest for significance and contentment. Yes, you read correctly, let me elaborate. Dating is full of annoyance, dissatisfaction, anxiety, agression and subterfuge. For the mayority of people this does not sound like fun at all. There are some people out there though who find this “game” enthralling. It is their equivalent of extreme sports! But… why is dating so thrilling for them? The answer is validation. It’s the same reason people jump out of planes and love rollercoaster’s.
In this validation people find fulfillment and meaning…but I digress…
For the rest of us that find dating akin to a proctologist appointment, and in the spirit of keeping things simple, here are some snippets of popular wisdom which should help us take a step back and see the big picture when we think: “What the hell am I doing?!”
Don’t pretend: Some people feel that the only way to find your significant other is to join the club scene, go bar hopping and overindulge on martinis. If that life is not you, then why join? Unless you intend to discover people who do not have much in comon with you this appears to be a loosing proposition.
Do more of what you like, be more of what you are. Share yourself. If you like dancing, join a dance class, invite people in the group to practice outside of class, join them for dancing on a night out on the town.
The concepte here is to search for ways to make your sphere of experience wider and at the same time do stuff that you really like. At these times you will really be yourself, and you will be displaying all that you can be.
Look deep: Another thing that generally happens when dating is that we give the physical appearance of our dates incredibly high importance. Guys do this without question. Although it is less notable in women, it happens just the same.
Of course there must be some kind of chemistry for a relationship to work, but a lot of the time that initial gravitation is due to factors much more complex than just good looks. Like any other physical thing, good looks will fade.
People change, they could put on some weight, go bald, get flabby, loose their tan, just like you and me; they are real people in the day to day grind of life, not a polaroid picture. You want to look for other things which have a higher impact on the success of a long term relationship.
Perfect is just a word: One way in which we sometimes sabotage our own efforts is by giving that little thing that bothers us about our potential mate so much importance, that we kill the whole endeavor. No one is perfect, we all pass gas, we all get pimples, we all stink when sweaty, we all get cranky on occasion. So…look at the big picture.
Be there: To use a very common sports analogy, to win the game you have to play. If you go straight from work to home to sitting on the couch and watching the latest TV series to bed, and back to work again the next morning you are definitely less likely to meet someone…anyone!
Put yourself out there… take that last minute invite, actually pick up the phone and dial up that friend you said you would call three weeks ago…
Go ahead and DO! If you get it wrong, dont worry; just forget about it and get out there DOING again…
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