lonely and desperate

Until the late 20th Century, your marriage counselor might have been a sibling, a parent, a close friend or your pastor. In recent years, mental health counselors and communication therapists have extended their services to help decrease the extremely high divorce rates. The latest figures estimate that roughly 40% of all marriages end in divorce, which has opened up the doors for licensed counselors. While not every marriage is salvageable, many couples report that the “mutually agreed upon chance to start over” led to a number of significant improvements, both in habits and in attitudes.

You should endeavor to find a marriage counselor to help you avoid painful emotional outbursts. If you or your spouse spends any amount of time shouting at each other, crying or getting stuck in a constant cycle of derision and nagging, then counseling for marriage can help. Secondly, certified counselors provide added motivation to complete your plan to regain that romantic love again. Sometimes another person’s faith that your efforts will be successful is all you need to believe it yourself. While these may seem like things you might be able to do on your own, the third reason to seek counseling is to gain access to knowledge and strategies to help you achieve your goals. Over the years there have been many studies into human behavior, which can help us recognize our patterns of behavior and remedy the underlying causes of our feelings.

Exercise care when choosing a marriage counselor. Not all marriage therapists are licensed, certified, or specializes in couples counseling for marriage. Most states mandate that licensed therapists have a master’s or doctoral degree, graduated marriage training and have gained credentials from the Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, so ask about these things when calling around. You may be able to get recommendations from your health insurer, your physician, local clergy or friends. Before attending a session, you’ll want to find out the cost and what’s covered by health insurance, as well as the duration and frequency of the sessions. Find out how many sessions you’re expected to attend and what happens if you need to cancel or reschedule.

You may be wondering what to expect from a marriage counselor session. During your first visit, you’ll each be quizzed separately, as well as together. You’ll acquaint yourselves with the therapist and establish a rapport. You’ll be asked about why you came to counseling for couples, establish a few goals and work from there. Often you’ll fill out a few questionnaires for the counselor to go over after you’ve left and he or she will come up with a plan for the next session. In the second session, a strategy will be promoted to address the marital problems and the session may last two hours, rather than one. By the end of session two, you’ll have a treatment plan and a few first assignments to work on. You may need to document the amount of undivided attention paid to each other or keep a journal of your progress. Each week you’ll report your successes and failures to the counselor until your goals have been realized.

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